sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
