More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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