I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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