i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
