brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
