Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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