oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
