I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
