So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
