she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I FOUND THE LEGS
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
