so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
