He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
