About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
