fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
