just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
