Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
In America we eat man semen.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize