i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
this will be a night to untag.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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