Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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