I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
