We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
