Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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