Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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