i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack