She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.