bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
