You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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