I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
