You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
it's like heaven, but drunker
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
