I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
