i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
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all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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