So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
