Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
