hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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