I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
