rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize