theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
