i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
