I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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