just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
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You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
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I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule