you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.