You're completely useless in the revolution.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.