I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.