went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
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i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend