Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.