So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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