Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
