i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If I die, sorry about rent.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
