You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
