Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
