Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
