fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
