Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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