Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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