I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
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He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
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You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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