The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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