Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
