just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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