4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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