As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
