There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
