I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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