I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
