I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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