i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
