I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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